Aug 29 2009
Karl Heineken
In celebrity interviews, a question almost always arises: “If you could pick one person to have coffee with, who would it be?” Well, I may not have reached fame quite yet, but, for today, I’d like to share an enormous, chocolate-icing-covered cake with none other than renowned fashion designer, Karl Lagerfeld. Oh, yes, I have a feeling we’d have much to discuss, such as his active and most vivid interest for animal as well as women’s rights, health conscientiousness and grotesque gowns. At the moment, however, my mind wonders towards his more recent attacks on the German model, Heidi Klum, and her husband, singer Seal.
After a wonderful meal at a popular vegetarian restaurant, which I must remember to recommend to Karl during our caffeinated outing, my best friend told me of the latest gossip in the celebrity world. A devoted reader of Cosmopolitan, she’s wonderful to have at hand for the sauciest of gossip. That evening, she recounted the various insults Lagerfeld has recently thrown at Heidi Klum, a model he has continuously harassed throughout the years, despite their common nationality. Apparently, patriotism does not run through the veins of this fashionista, nor does social dignity, as he wickedly claimed the celebrated model “too heavy” for the runway, not to mention so insignificant, “even Claudia Schiffer doesn’t know her.” Although this would suffice in leading the average young woman straight to the freezer for the maxi carton of Ben & Jerry’s, he didn’t stop there. Lagerfeld continued to degrade Klum with a further attack on her beloved husband, as, with a masterful hint of disgust, he praised the heavens for not visiting the same dermatologist as the singer, chasing the thought of a “crater-filled face.”
Admittedly, after hearing such utter nonsense, I find myself left in a state of profound confusion. My mind is meddled with simple questions surrounding this ill-intentioned stick insect as well as deeper questions, relating to the state of contemporary society.
Walking through the subway station, I cross hundreds of new faces each day; some are presented to me through the many advertisements I come across, others pass by, frequent travelers like myself. The faces in the ads warn me of new threats of eating disorders, depression, stress and other anxieties so common in our commercial world of today. While those in the street, re-enforce the real-case scenarios: the lonely teenager, on a quest for her own personality and just a hint of self-esteem, the middle-aged woman, dreaming of what her life might have resembled if she hadn’t raised her four kids on her own, or even the local lawyer, who had secretly hoped to become a writer, had his family thought it a serious enough career. Peering into the crowd of glistening eyes, I suddenly ask myself: In a society suffering from such anguish, how can it be that those the most selfish and egocentric of beings are allowed to flourish? Have we all become in such need of gratification and a sense of purpose that we would continuously neglect our own aspirations in regard of those more self-confident?
Looking back on my teenage years, I realize how stupidly I was obsessed with the opinions of others, burying my unique personality deep within my heart. I would always be present for others, allowing the academically poorer students to copy my notes before exams, offering birthday presents to friends who would never return the favor, and so the list continues. In the end, most saw me as the timid, hard-working student; had they looked more closely, they might have held me to be much greater than those simple adjectives. Nevertheless, after two rather trying years, I finally realized it was time to let my true personality shine through: my dream, become a new, bubbly, sensitive version of Carrie Bradshaw, heading chin-up in the directions life takes me. For, if there’s one lesson I learned, it’s that no matter how hard you may try to conform to the tastes or commands of others, there will always be one person out there ready to put you down. As a child, we are told that bullies mostly act out of spite and jealousy…in most cases, this is, indeed, true. Thankfully, if one is armed with self-confidence and a good notion of respect, a bully’s bullets will simply soar overhead.
Returning to you, good OLD Karl Lagerfeld, my advice would be to arrange for an emergency consultation with the nearest ophthalmologist and burn those old photo albums. We wouldn’t want you to be pinpointed as a hypocrite… As long as you keep wearing those tiny black gloves and dark sunglasses, you most certainly will appear at least twenty years younger; it’s a guarantee!
Hmm…there’s simply so much to discuss, we’re definitely going to require a large piece of cake.
